Out of Control

I just watched my youngest son almost get into an accident.  It is an overcast, rainy afternoon and Carl was driving behind me.  I glanced in the rearview mirror to check on him and, to my horror, he was no longer on the road.  Carl hydroplaned while pulling out onto the street and lost control of the car.  When I saw him, he was on the sidewalk on the far side of the road about to hit a pole.  He swerved out of the way which threw him back into the street.  For the longest half minute of my life, I watched Carl try to right the car as he jerkily swerved back and forth from one lane to the other.  There was traffic both ways and I thought, “My baby is going to die.”  I heard myself screaming, “Caaaaarl!”

My hands are still shaking as I type this.  I apologize for the drama of this post, but I wanted to write while the feelings are still fresh.  Thankfully, all traffic was able to move off the road to avoid hitting Carl.  Thankfully, he was able to finally gain control and pull over into a parking lot.  I have never felt more helpless than I did as I watched my “baby” fight for his life.

So now I’m overwhelmed with fear.  I never ever, never ever (NEVER) want Carl to drive again.  How am I supposed to keep from replaying that scene in my mind the next time he gets behind the wheel?

Somehow my guys aren’t nearly as shaken up.  I drove straight to Neal’s office and sobbed on his shoulder.  I said, “Carl could’ve been killed!”  Neal said, “But he wasn’t.”  I told Carl I had just finished praying for God to keep him safe when I saw him lose control of the car.  He said, “And He did.”  While I was shaking from head to toe and imagining what could have happened, Carl said, “I’m glad Dad’s car is okay!”

The truth of the matter is that it was probably a good thing ultimately.  Carl just gained some valuable experience with driving, rain, hydroplaning, and overcorrecting.  He’ll be better prepared if he’s ever in that kind of situation again.  My mind knows that but my heart is protesting.

Honestly, this has been the hardest part of parenting for me.  Losing control.  My sons are grown and nearly grown.  I’m watching them make decisions, make mistakes, sin, or flounder around as they try to figure out their own lives.  What I want to do is have complete control again. They could get hurt!  But I know they’re growing and gaining valuable experience.  I know that they are capable and good.  I also know that while they will never stop being my sons, they really belong to their heavenly Father.  And He is always in perfect control.

“I know that You can do everything,

and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You” (Job 42:2).

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Photo cred: Carl Pollard (I look like my grandpa in this pic)

12 thoughts on “Out of Control

  1. I feel your pain and recall my own frightening experience….I was in a car accident with my son, when he “hydroplaned” down an embankment during a heavy rain storm. Thankfully, neither one of us were hurt. I still worry about my son and his driving, and he is 32 now, but so thankful to know Carl is alright and our heavenly Father is in control, always.

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  2. Great read (besides Carl’s part). I really needed this right now. Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts.
    Love you!

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  3. WOW! How awful for you to witness that. Im glad he’s ok and will pray for you to loose that image.I have felt these same or similar feelings and you nailed what we, as mothers still needing to control, really need and that is to remember ultimately our heavenly Father is in control….. its not easy, but it is comforting. Love ya 😉

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  4. Speaking to my heart, Kathy. Thanks for posting!

    P.S. Isn’t it wonderful that in every dramatic scenario we can always depend upon the faithful counterbalance that the males in our houses have to offer?

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  5. My heart was pounding as I read the first part of this post! I’m so thankful it turned out like it did! Great application. (PS – did you get my reply to your message the other day?)

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  6. Kathy,
    Praise God for keeping Carl safe. All of our youth are always on my mind when they are out there, especially driving. They are always in my prayers. God loves them and has their backs no matter what. I could not imagine watching one of my daughters spinning out of control in a car. This is a beautiful post of a caring and loving mother of three boys. God is an awesome God, not just because He watches over all of our loved ones, but because of who He is… because He blesses us always and has given us Jesus, which is the most precious gift. And then he blessed is with our families, and it just keeps going. We love you Kathy, love you and Neal and the boys. Have a blessed day.

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