Author: Kathy Pollard

I'm a Christian woman, happily married to my best friend, Neal. We have 3 grown sons, Gary, Dale, and Carl, 3 sweet daughters-in-law, Chelsea, Janelle, and Emily, and 5 grandchildren, Rich, Jude, Amara, Jed, and Atlas! Neal preaches for the Cumberland Trace church of Christ in Bowling Green, KY. We love the Lord and His church!

Meet the Jackson Women, Part 3 (plus recipes!)

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Our final interview in this series is with my dear friend, JILL JACKSON.  She is an easy-to-love Christian woman, and you’ll enjoy reading her practical parenting tips!

Share a little about yourself, please, by way of introduction.

“Jason & I celebrated our 16th anniversary in September.  We have 3 daughters (Natalie, 14; Kara, 11; and Allie, 8).  Jason preaches at East Main St. church of Christ and works at the Christian Courier.  Most of our time is spent homeschooling our girls.  I am currently teaching Allie’s Bible class on Sundays and Wednesdays.  Sometimes I help with administrative tasks at the Courier, but now that we have several teenagers in our family, we delegate most of those tasks to them.”

We’ve heard about the Christian Courier from Betty and Sandy.  What can you tell us about it?

“The Christian Courier is a wonderful avenue for educating the lost and keeping the saved saved.  It began as a monthly newsletter, and is now that and much more.  We have a website where articles and sermons can be accessed.  We hear many wonderful words about individuals searching for the truth who stumbled upon the Courier online– some of which later obeyed the gospel.  We are constantly told by preachers, elders, and others within the Lord’s body that the Courier is a useful resource for their daily lives and Bible study.  We are proud to be a part of something that provides sound doctrine, encouragement, and beneficial study aids to others.”

*Visit https://www.christiancourier.com/ to take advantage of this wonderful Christian resource.

The first time I was in your home, you served steak and creme brulee.  I’ll never forget that incredible meal!  What’s your go-to company meal?

“Southern BBQ, of course!  We love to fix ribs, brisket, pulled pork, and baked beans.”

*To try a couple of Jill’s favorite recipes, see the end of this post.

If you could give only one piece of marriage and/ or parenting advice, what would it be?

“My one piece of parenting advice would be to parent your children with the relationship you want to have with them as adults in mind.  Do you want your home to be a place your children look forward to bringing their families to?  Then as they grow up, your home needs to be a place of peace, security, and happiness.  Do you want to be someone your children can look to for spiritual guidance and wisdom?  Then as they grow up, they need to see you studying your Bible, hear you talking about spiritual things with them, hear your prayers for them and others, and see you walking the walk.  Certainly loving, spiritual parents rear their children with the number one goal of helping them get to heaven, but our focus on that important task should not cause us to lose sight of the joy of parenting.  Good parenting should cultivate a relationship between the parent and child that brings much delight to the lives of both through all stages of life, not just the years the children live in your home.

My one piece of marriage advice is to have a healthy marriage you must have healthy habits.  One can’t expect a strong marriage if their marriage is full of selfishness, score keeping, or a spirituality that lacks roots.  Healthy marriages are a result of a union that has Christ at the center, that looks to the needs of their spouse, that proactively focuses on turning good intentions into intentional actions.”

What do you do to stay motivated and encouraged in your ministry work?

“I think about the fact that while my hospitality may be encouraging to the visitors in my home, those who benefit the most are really those within my home– my children.  By being hospitable to others, I am seizing an opportunity to train them to be hospitable when they are grown.  The same could be said about anything we do, from teaching Bible class, preparing food for someone, visiting someone, etc.  What I choose to do today shows my children what my priorities in life are and instills those priorities within their hearts.  That is what encourages and motivates me aside from the obvious that these are works God expects and delights in.”

Baked beans
1 52 oz can of Van Camp’s pork and Beans
3/4 c brown sugar
1 tbs chili powder
1 tbs mustard
1/4 c molasses
1 c. BBQ sauce
(Optional–chopped up brisket or pork roast)
Mix all ingredients well. Pour into a glass 9×13 baking dish. Cook, uncovered at 325 degrees for 75 min. Let stand 10-15 min before serving.
Peanut butter cake
1/2 c butter
1 c water
1/2 c peanut butter
1/2 c oil
2 c flour
2 eggs
2 c sugar
1/2 c milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
Frosting:
1/2 c butter
1/3 c milk
1/2 c peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla
3 1/2 c powdered sugar
Combine butter, water, peanut butter, and oil. Bring to a boil while stirring constantly. Remove from heat and cool mixture. Add remaining ingredients. Mix well and pour batter into a cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 20-25 min.
Frosting:
Heat butter, milk, and peanut butter until comes to a boil. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and powdered sugar and mix until smooth. Pour hot frosting over cake.

Meet the Jackson Women, Part Two (+ a recipe!)

Jacksons

Continuing our interviews of the Jackson women, today we’ll spend time with SANDY JACKSON.  She and her beautiful family live in California.  As you read her replies, you’ll find her personality is as sunny as the state in which she lives!

Please share a little about yourself. 

“Our story began when this Alabama girl shook hands with a tall, handsome, west coast gentleman at the social club mixer in front of Freed Hardeman’s  Milan Sitka building 25 years ago.  With a bit of persuasion to my dad, Jared and I were married in May 1990.

We have two quick-witted teenage boys (a gene passed down from their Pappaw Wayne and a few other close relatives). I am a full-time wife and mother.  We have home-schooled Nicholas and Matthew since the day they entered the world.  I work about ten hours each week at the Christian Courier office helping with mail-outs, church bulletins, and organizing recorded audio  lessons.

Jared’s job is difficult to define. He works full-time for the Christian Courier, but his work encompasses so much. He manages the technical side of things, but he also writes a monthly Christian paper called “Fortify Your Faith” that emphasizes the practical application of biblical principles in the church and in the family. He has just finished teaching an extended class on the Bible and money that was interesting, and this only scratches the surface of what he does. In spite of his very busy work schedule, he has always been a full-time dad. His family is his most important work.”

How long have you lived in California, and what do you love about it?   

“The day I received my college diploma we had the U-haul loaded to head to California, my new home for the next 22 years.  Jared and I decided, even though we were married the summer before my senior year at Freed-Hardeman, we would stay in Henderson, Tennessee so I could graduate the following spring.  I joke now that the finance degree helps me balance our checkbook each month.  All humor aside, I gained more in those four years at Freed-Hardeman than just a degree; blessings I continually reap to this day.   My husband’s family took me in as one of their own making being away from my own family a bit easier.  It has been a blessing for our children to sit on the same church pew with their cousins and grandparents all of their life.

The weather here is gorgeous.  I have only slightly felt one earthquake; something I don’t think as often about as others.  California is deemed as “the liberal state….with fruits and nuts.” Yes, it has been hard in many respects raising a family here, but the sound teaching and warm family connections at East Main Street Church of Christ in Stockton have been the calming peace among the immoral hurdles around us. I do wish California wasn’t so far from our other friends and family across the country.  A monthly cross-country trip would be nice, but the budget just has not allowed for that.”

We appreciate your efforts with the Christian Courier. Tell us about it, please.

“The Christian Courier started as a monthly journal of biblical studies in May of 1965 by Wayne Jackson, my father-inlaw.  Over the years, the Christian Courier gained a reputation as a trusted and balanced source for preachers, teachers, and elders. In 1998, the Christian Courier entered the digital age by expanding to the internet. It really has become more than simply a paper. The Christian Courier now is a full-time mission work reaching more than 274,000 visitors in just the last thirty days and 2.76 million people to date this year alone. Every month people living in over 212 countries come to the Christian Courier seeking information on biblical topics. It has been amazing to see how the resources produced by the Christian Courier are being used. Once when traveling, we stopped to worship on a Wednesday night in Wyoming. In the ladies’ Bible class, the teacher pulled out an article from the Christian Courier during her lesson. People from around the world send in their questions and use the information to deal with difficult situations. It is truly a blessing to be a part of such an important and meaningful mission work like the Christian Courier.”

I know from personal experience that you’re all very hospitable. What’s your go-to company meal?  

“I enjoy making chili.  You can put it with cornbread, crackers, baked potatoes, corn chips, sour cream, and cheese and feed an army of people.  It is comfort food for me.  I also love my husband’s smoked ribs and brisket.  Making sides for that meal means a good party is getting ready to take place at our house!”

Will you share one or two of your favorite recipes with us, please? 

“We love chocolate chip cookies. Since Jared was diagnosed with diabetes a couple of years ago,  I try not to bake them while he is home, because the smell is tortuous.   We make them for potlucks, gifts, and just a small treat while watching a good ballgame.  I shape them with a tiny scoop, after all it is less calories to eat 6 tiny cookies than 2 big ones, right?  I have tried several recipes, but we have voted the best one is from Alton Brown’s Good Eats show and website. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/the-chewy-recipe/index.html You can freeze the cookie balls and bake only the number you want/need to eat!”

Would you mind sharing something about yourself that others might never have guessed? 

“I am a twin.  I was born 2 minutes before my brother.  My mom and dad did not know twins were in their future until an hour after my mom came out of cesarean surgery. She fed me then a few minutes later, my brother was brought to her for his feeding.  She commented to the nurse, ‘There must be a mistake…’  I grew up hanging out in trees and doing boy things since my brother didn’t buy into the doll setup.  I think God gave me boys to raise knowing I love anything to do with a ball, and I don’t know how to do hair.”

If you could give only one piece of marriage and/ or parenting advice, what would it be? 

“Jared and I try to walk two to three times each week.  We usually go for five to six miles at a time.  We have found this time free of interruptions to visit, plan, troubleshoot and hopefully burn a few calories (in his case, lower his blood sugar levels).  I truly believe a couple has to spend time together frequently to really enjoy each other.  I’ve never bought into the idea, ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder.’

Parenting advice? I’m still in the training process myself, but I would say cultivating a sense of belonging in the family is vital.  Many enemies are attacking the home today and pulling our children away.  The family is where God designed love, forgiveness, affection and discipline to be experienced and practiced to cause a child to say, ‘This is where I belong’ – as opposed to looking for these things elsewhere.”

What do you do to stay motivated and encouraged in your ministry work? 

“Have people over to our house.  We love company!  We have a guest room ready at all times…come visit us!”

 

 

 

Meet the Jackson Women (and try their favorite recipes)!

Betty & Wayne Jackson
Betty & Wayne Jackson


This week we’ll be interviewing three amazing Christian women.  They’re all married to Jackson men!  You’ll enjoy reading about them, their families, and their work with The Christian Courier.  We’ll begin with BETTY JACKSON.

Betty is married to Wayne Jackson, and they are celebrating their 52nd wedding anniversary this month!  They have 3 children, 10 grandchildren, 1 great grandson, and another on the way.  Wayne is a writer, and Betty proofreads most of what he writes.  She enjoys spending her time by keeping the books for their congregation and teaching children’s Bible classes.

How long have you lived in California, and what do you love about it?

“I was born in California. Most of all I love the church family here, for we have been here for over 50 years.  California is unique in its landscapes. There are different topographies in each direction. For example, to the west is the beautiful Pacific Ocean, and to the east are the Sierra Nevada Mountains. ”

We appreciate your efforts with the Christian Courier.  Please tell us about it.

“The Christian Courier started with Wayne typesetting on an IBM Selectric typewriter. Because of the spacing of words, he had to type each article twice. He burned his own negatives; also, he did the printing. When our children were at home we all helped to address and sort according to the post office requirements. Now, our sons manage all of that. I proofread the paper every month. Their children now help with the mailing, fifty years later!”

*If you haven’t already, you’ll want to check out The Christian Courier.

What’s your go-to company meal?

“A pot roast meal is probably my go-to meal.  Enchiladas are another dish that we like.”

*You can check out Betty’s favorite pie recipe at the end of this post.

Would you mind sharing something about yourself that others might never have guessed?

“I was not reared in a Christian home.”

If you could give only one piece of marriage and/ or parenting advice, what would it be?

“A marriage ought to glorify God. Applying the golden rule in every aspect of married life will do just that, and create an atmosphere of peace, understanding, and love.

Setting boundaries and showing our offspring love helps train them according to the Scriptures.Teaching children to put the Lord first, and living the same before them will affect their spiritual lives to the Lord’s glory.”

What do you do to stay motivated and encouraged in your ministry work?

“For me, it is the realization that there is little time left to accomplish anything lasting. While some of the little things may not seem important (visits, teaching just a few children in Bible class, notes of encouragement, etc.), they are. Teaching either by example or by word can be everlasting to the beneficiaries of one’s efforts.”

*Here is Betty’s favorite recipe.  She said they make it once a year at holiday time.  Sounds delicious!

HERSHEY BAR PIE

6 reg. Hershey bars with or without almonds
20 lg. marshmallows
1 c. whipping cream
1/2 c. milk
1/2 tsp. almond flavoring (without almonds substitute 1 tsp. vanilla)
1 graham cracker pie crust
Melt the candy bars and marshmallows in the milk in a double boiler Cool. Whip cream and fold into the creamed mixture. Pour into crust and chill for about 8 hours or overnight.

Wayward Christians Aren’t the Only Ones who Need to Return

The beautiful account of the Prodigal Son returning home always touches my heart.  But Luke fifteen’s account of the wayward isn’t the only type of return God wants.  I don’t know if “return” is a key word in Luke, but it appears 21 times in that gospel of the 35 times it’s found in the entire New Testament.  Notice the ones who returned:

  • His twelve apostles.  Jesus “sent them to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.”  They “departed and went through the towns, preaching the gospel and healing everywhere.”  Then “the apostles, when they had returned, told Him all that they had done” (9:2,6,10).
  • The seventy.  Jesus “sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to go.”  He sent them into the cities to heal the sick and preach about the kingdom of God.  “Then the seventy returned with joy” (10:1,9,17).
  • The grateful Samaritan.  Jesus healed ten lepers.  “And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks.”  Jesus expressed disappointment in the other nine who didn’t return (17:11-19).
  • The women who followed.  They followed Him to the cross.  They followed Him to the grave.  “Then they returned and prepared spices and fragrant oils.”  After the wonderful discovery of the empty grave, “they returned from the tomb and told all these things to the eleven and to all the rest” (23:27, 55, 56; 24:1-10).
  • The two on the road to Emmaus.  They were discussing the empty tomb.  Jesus appeared to them, but they didn’t recognize Him.  He preached to them and stayed with them.  “And they said to one another, ‘Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?’ So they rose up that very hour and returned to Jerusalem” and “they told about the things that had happened on the road, and how He was known to them…” (24:13-35).
  • Jesus.  After being filled with the Holy Spirit, He returned to face the tempter (4:1,2).  After forty days of temptation, He “returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee” (4:13,14).  He always returned to the multitudes, even when exhausted, grieving, or facing death.

Everyday, we make the choice whether or not to return to Jesus.  When completing one task for Him, will we, like the apostles and the seventy, return to seek another?  Will we return to Him with thanksgiving for our salvation and our daily blessings?  Will we return to tell others what He has done for us?  Will we return to Him even when weary, when it’s inconvenient, when we’re caught up in our own sorrows?  The original Greek word for “return” also means “be again” (Louw-Nida).  It’s a brand new day…will I be His again?

Final words of the gospel of Luke:  “And they worshipped Him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy, and were continually in the temple praising and blessing God.  Amen” (24:52,53).

Prayer for Today:  If I am not returning to You, I am wandering away.  Help me, Lord, return to You each and every day.

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Making the Most of My Time for God

My brother-in-law has a birthday today.  I’m attending a funeral this morning.  Birthdays and funerals always make me more aware of the passing of time.  The older I get, the more quickly time passes somehow.  I once heard “time” defined as “the period between two eternities.”  Life is brief.  The Bible compares the shortness of life to a shadow (1 Chronicles 29:15), a cloud (Job 7:9), a flower (Job 14:1,2), a vapor (James 4:14), a sigh (Psalm 90:9), grass (1 Peter 1:24), and a breath (Job 7:7).  Standing before Christ, each of us will give an account for our brief time here on earth.  So how can we make the most of our time for God?

Focus on Our Treasures.  What do we treasure?  Certainly we know what the answer to that should be.  But what if strangers were asked to answer that question for us?  How would they go about finding the answer?  They would watch where we spend our time, energy, and money.  These three things are dedicated to what we treasure.  Jesus told us to lay up for ourselves treasures in heaven, “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19,20).  In other words, our priorities must be spiritual, heaven-minded.  How can we make sure we’re laying up treasures in heaven?  We must put the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33).  We must love the Savior more than our own family (Matthew 10:37).  We must love Him more than we love ourselves (Matthew 10:39).

Focus on Our Influence.  The scope of our influence is broader than we think.  People all around us are watching us walk, talk, and shine the Light.  What is my role in my Christian family?  What can I do?  Paul told some Christians that the way they received the Word with joy became an example to other Christians around them.  He said, “For from you the word of the Lord has sounded forth…Your faith toward God has gone out, so that we do not need to say anything” (1 Thessalonians 1:6-8).  The influence of these Christians saved Paul, Silas, and Timothy some work.  Are we saving anybody some work?  Perhaps the elders?  Some teachers who need a break?  The minister of personal evangelism?  Our influence can make a difference in the kingdom!

Focus on Our Mission.  “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).  Jeremiah sent these words in a letter to Jews who were in captivity in Babylon.  They weren’t where they wanted to be.  They certainly weren’t where they planned to be.  Jeremiah was reminding them that God had a plan for them, a purpose.  Some of us are happy and content.  Some of us aren’t where we had hoped to be at this point in our life.  Jeremiah gave the Jews a two-part program:  prepare for the plan and pursue perfection.  No matter where we are in life, we must keep ready for action.  We must keep ourselves in spiritual shape for the mission God has for us.  We mustn’t wait for a better time!  Henry David Thorough said, “As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.”  The only way to tell the difference between wasting time and investing time is to know our purpose, our mission.  What if you’re not sure what it is?  Christians can all adopt the two missions of Jesus.  He came “to do the will of the Father” (John 6:38) and “to seek and save that which was lost” (Luke 19:10).

Focus on Our Eternity.  Now is the time to build our faith, strengthen our foundation, and put on the whole armor of God.  We can make the most of our time by challenging ourselves to obtain the high mark Jesus set before us (Philippians 3:12-14).  Paul challenges all of us with several charges in Philippians.  Develop the mind of Christ (2:5-8).  Serve without complaining (2:14,15).  Find our joy in the Lord (4:4).  Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything (4:6).  Meditate on holy things (4:8).  And be content with God’s help (4:11-13).  These are six different things.  We can take focus on one each week and see if we can tell a big difference at the end of six weeks.  If we practice all of these things, we’ll become Christ-like, humble, content, happy, calm, filled with the glow of purity.  We will be prepared for eternity.

Am I satisfied that I am making the most of my time for God?  Not really.  But I can pray for wisdom so I can discern where God wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing right now.  Finding out if I am making the most of my time is not going to happen by accident.  Am I focusing on my treasures (making God my top priority)?  Am I focusing on my influence (are my actions leading others to Christ)? Am I focusing on my mission (looking for ways to serve now instead of waiting for the right time)? And am I focusing on eternity (weighing everything against the ultimate goal of Heaven)?

Prayer for Today:  Thank you for each new day, Lord.  May I recognize it as a gift and make the most of my time for You.

This post can also be found at:

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Bibles Everywhere!

Let’s counter the overwhelming influence of worldliness by making our Bibles have more of a presence in our communities.  We’re all very aware of the moral decline in our nation, and the reason we’re so aware of it is because we see it everywhere we turn.  It’s on the news, radio, TV shows, talk shows, magazines, billboards, and internet.  What’s trending?  Worldliness.  All of these media outlets and various other avenues touting materialism, secularism, and godlessness can be discouraging.  Satan must be pleased.  He wants us to despair, to ask, “Where are the Christians?”  He wants us to throw our hands up and quit.  I think we can do something about that.  We can remind everyone that there are still many who want to serve God.  And we can do that by the very simple act of making our Bibles more visible.

Bibles are recognizable.  Everyone knows what they look like.  Outside of the church building, we don’t see them very often.  If we do, it’s notable.  The few times I’ve seen someone with their Bible on a plane or in an office, I think, “Hey, they’re holding a Bible!”  And it always makes me smile.  So what if we ALL carry our Bibles with us, in a very visible way, everywhere we go?  The next time we meet friends for lunch, we can call and ask each one to bring their Bible, and then just set them on the table.  The Bibles won’t go unnoticed.  If we’re shopping, the Bible can rest in the seat of the cart.  If we’re carpooling, we can display it in the dash.  If we’re at the gym, we can put in on the treadmill.  If we’re in the bleachers, we can set it right next to us.  Whether we’re working, playing, traveling, networking, or relaxing, we can look for ways to allow our Bibles to have a presence.  (This means it’ll have to be a traditional Bible, as the ones on our phones or other devices won’t be easily recognized by others.)  Even though such a simple act doesn’t involve extra time or money on our part, I think this kind of Bible-saturation can make an impact.

What’s the worst that can happen?  Someone might ridicule us.  Someone might be offended.  Someone might even ask us to put the Bible away.

What’s the potential for good?  At the very least, our Bibles will be noticed.  People around us will automatically know we are believers.  Other godly folks will be encouraged.  The nonstop message of immorality will be partially countered by the presence of Bible believers.  Others might start carrying their Bibles, too.  Who knows?  It might even become commonplace in your community to see Bibles out in public.  And one day, someone might even be interested in studying that Bible with you.

“You are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:14-16).

Prayer for Today:  May I never be ashamed of Your Word, O Lord.

Photo credit: westerntradition

Do I Know You?

I’ve been thinking about the great Bible class we had Sunday morning taught by Will Hanstein.  The discussion centered around the warning Jesus gives about not causing others to stumble (Luke 17:1,2).  Mr. Hanstein pointed out that our actions and words can influence whether or not others go to Heaven.  He then said that Jesus tells us in the very next verse how to keep from causing others to stumble:  “Be on your guard!  If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3).   Mr. Hanstein challenged us to consider how we’re doing with this difficult command.  It occurred to me that there’s one significant thing that would make this command easier for all of us, and that is having genuine relationships.  If we really know each other, rebuking and forgiving are powerful and effective.  If we don’t really know each other, we risk abusing the very safeguard Jesus put in place for His “little ones.”

If I don’t really know you, I won’t care enough to rebuke you.  Why should I?  It’s none of my business how you choose to live your life.  Right?  We don’t feel this way at all when one we dearly love is in trouble spiritually.  It takes courage to confront someone who’s entangled in sin.  But if we care about them, we’re more willing to do it, no matter how painful.

If I don’t really know you, I might misjudge you.  I might feel the need to admonish you for something because I assigned motives that weren’t really there.  Yet when we know and care about others, we will give them the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.

If I don’t really know you, a rebuke from me may appear self-righteous rather than loving, no matter how valid.  If we hardly ever talk to someone, naturally they will not welcome any sudden interest in their spiritual welfare.

If I do know you, I will humbly rebuke you in a timely manner.  I won’t wait until it’s too late.  (As Mr. Hanstein pointed out, a rebuke is needed when someone is caught up in sin and not doing anything about it, not when someone is aware of their sin and trying to change.)  When we know and care about others, we won’t put off talking to them, lest they ask, “Why come to me now, after all this time?”

If I do know you, I will be eager to forgive.  Like the father of the prodigal son, we rush to welcome back with open arms those we care about.  If we don’t really know someone, we may not be as diligent in reassuring them of our joy and love.

Genuine relationships spell the difference in how we handle Luke 17:3.  It will keep us from abusing the command (being too eager to rebuke because we see the worst in others), and it will help us carry out the command (being motivated by love to humbly rebuke and forgive those who need it).  There may be Christian brothers and sisters who sit on the other side of the auditorium that we don’t know very well.  Let’s build genuine relationships so we can give (and receive) what Jesus put in place as safeguards for our souls.

Prayer for Today:  Help me, Lord, to care enough to get to know and love my Christian family.

Image credit goes to Michael Hite

Your Marriage is Better than You Think

There may be times when you’re not thrilled with your spouse or your marriage.  Do you feel like you’re not communicating well?  Do you feel like you’re the only one who really cares enough to make an effort? Or perhaps you feel like the only spark left in your marriage is the kind that comes from friction.  While your feelings may be valid, your marriage is worth a little self-examination.  Particularly, why are you now viewing your relationship unfavorably?  Why are you frustrated?  It could be that you have more control over the way you see your marriage than you think.

Your marriage is better than you think when you ignore the busybodies.  “A whisperer separates the best of friends” (Prov. 16:28).  Who is telling you your marriage isn’t good enough?  There are some who seem to enjoy sowing seeds of discontentment.  They plant doubts in the minds of those who are married, creating problems where none existed before.  Your own parents or siblings can do this by making negative remarks about your marriage.  Have they ever questioned the actions of your spouse? Coworkers and friends might make comments like, “I don’t know how you put up with that.  I know I wouldn’t!”  Some comments are veiled criticisms.  “Would you like me to replace that light switch?  I know your husband’s not much of a handyman.”  Next thing you know, you start noticing that there are a lot of things around the house your husband has neglected to fix.  You may have been content before, but now you’re more aware of all the annoying things your spouse does.  And you’re embarrassed that someone else had to point it out!  Sometimes your friends don’t have to say anything.  All they have to do is raise their eyebrows a little and suddenly, you resent your spouse.  The truth of the matter is we are easily influenced by the opinions of those around us.  Thoughtless remarks that hint that our spouse is inconsiderate, lazy, stingy, or clueless can be taken to heart if we’re not careful.  Only listen to things that promote your spouse, even by family members.  “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health” (Prov. 12:18).  Your wise friends and family members, the ones who are worth listening to, will say things that build up your marriage, not tear it down.

Your marriage is better than you think when you embrace your differences.  You may have heard the story about the little girl who said to her younger brother, “Why don’t you ever admit that I’m right?”  Her brother answered, “You always think you’re right.”  The girl said, “Well, I always AM right.”  The boy said, “Ha!,” and walked off, muttering under his breath, “Some day I’m gonna get married to get away from all these arguments.”  One of the most popular official reasons for divorce is “irreconcilable differences.”  In her book The Challenge of Being a Wife, Ruth Hazelton has a chapter entitled “How to Stay Friends even though Married.”  She wrote, “Perhaps the biggest problem of all is the fact that he is a man and she is a woman.”  Chances are, you didn’t marry someone exactly like yourself.  You think you need to be stricter with the kids and your spouse thinks you need to be more understanding.  Your ideal vacation involves a spa hotel and outlet malls, while your spouse would prefer tent camping in the wilderness.  You want to wind down listening to the Marriage of Figaro, but your spouse is blaring Led Zeppelin.  Sometimes you wonder how on earth you ended up together.  You’re so different!  You don’t get him, and he certainly doesn’t get you.  Dr. Harley, creator of the website “Marriage Builders,” said, “Couples are usually most compatible on the day of their marriage, and things go downhill from there.  Why?  Prior to the marriage, they make great effort to be compatible.  They try to understand each other’s likes and dislikes and then try to accommodate those feelings.  They are more willing to change their behavior to become more compatible.  Trouble is, once the marriage takes place….mission accomplished!  Now they are married, so they can focus on other things—careers, children, etc.”  You’ve probably seen a young woman out to impress her man.  She grins all the way down the aisle as a beautiful bride.  And then she waits to be impressed.  Before long she tearfully announces that she is disappointed.  Her man does not impress her as a husband.  He does not impress her as a father.  Did he really change, or did her mindset?  Perhaps your marriage seems less than ideal because you’re no longer trying to impress.  You’re no longer trying to accommodate.  Remember what used to motivate you to put all that effort into being compatible–you WANTED your spouse, differences and all.  View those differences once again as attractive traits that complete you.

Your marriage is better than you think when you want to make your spouse happy.  Instead of allowing disagreements to make you disagreeable, you can enhance your marriage in such a way that both of you come out on top.  “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition, or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3,4).  God’s advice is for us to have a new mindset, different from the selfish society in which we live.  Marriage isn’t about how your spouse can make you happier, it’s about how you can make him/ her happier.  Wanting your spouse’s happiness means you don’t have to have the final say in every disagreement.  Instead, let God have the final say.  Wanting your spouse’s happiness means instead of criticizing, you daily look for ways to verbally admire and appreciate.  Wanting your spouse’s happiness means instead of taking him/ her for granted, you’ll cherish each day as a gift from God, thanking Him for the blessing of your marriage.  You won’t want your spouse’s happiness if you don’t have a Christ-like mindset.  If you are caught up in your own desires and expectations, your selfish heart will be blinded to your spouse’s needs.  As always, God knows what is best for us.  Trusting Him means putting your spouse’s happiness before your own.  You’ll be thrilled when you notice that you end up being the one to find so much more joy in your marriage.

Prayer for Today: By emulating Your Son, Lord, may we show the world what it really means to have “a marriage made in heaven.”

*This article can also be found at http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/2013/12/wise-woman-linkup_17.html

 

Photo by Traci Sproule Photography

Godly Parenting: An Interview with Sheila Butt

In 2011, I was given an assignment to interview a Christian parent.  Having three sons myself, Sister Butt seemed an ideal candidate.  Stan and Sheila Butt have brought up three sons in the training and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).  She graciously allowed me to share this interview here on my blog.  It is encouraging to see a mother who has successfully raised boys to grow into faithful men, active in the Lord’s church.  All three of her sons preach the gospel!

*Besides your spouse and the Almighty, who was the most helpful to you as you trained your children spiritually? In what ways?

The body of Christ had the greatest influence on our children.  When Stan Jr. was in law school at Emory University, he wrote an article describing the church’s influence on his life.  He said the church made him a stronger person.  We often had Bible teachers, preachers, and missionaries into our home whom we greatly credit as having influenced the spiritual growth of our children.

*Were there any book or articles you read that were a help?

Next to the Bible, I enjoyed Dr. Dobson’s book “Hide or Seek.”  This book describes the importance of building a child’s self-esteem.  However, I soon realized that it is more important for a child to have “Christ-esteem.”  For a child to say, “I can do anything” is one thing; for a child to say, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” is quite another.  That child will have the proper respect for God and will also develop humility and compassion.  Many children with high self-esteem will never develop those characteristics.

*Did you have any specific technique or persistent plan that you utilized through all of the children’s training?

We believed consistency was key to effective biblical training. We gave three answers, “yes,” “no,” or “I’ll think about it,” and did not feel we needed to justify every answer.  When our sons were young, we held them close.  When they grew into teenagers, we gave them more responsibilities and let them have input into the decision making process.  In addition, we were consistent with Bible quizzes at bedtime and prayer.  The quizzes took place during our nightly devotionals, and helped build their basic Bible knowledge.  The prayers were daily and out loud.  They knew our hearts and we knew theirs in the presence of God.  The practice of this blessing cannot be overemphasized.

*Besides potty training and the Terrible Two’s, what was an unusually hard time for you as a parent?  How did you get through it?

We did not experience the Terrible Two’s because our children learned to obey and were not allowed to be “terrible.”  We felt that being two years old was no excuse for misbehaving.  As a result, we enjoyed every year of our children’s upbringing.  I admit, though, that the most difficult stage was when our sons started driving.  It was hard not to think of all the bad things that could happen.  I had to trust in God, and my children, and pray they would make good choices.

*What is your favorite memory as a parent?

My favorite memories were the days each of our sons decided to put on Christ in baptism.  The only thing that compares was watching our oldest son baptize his own daughter into Christ.

*If you could do anything over again in training your children, what would it be?

Stan and I discussed this question together and we feel we can honestly say we have no regrets.  We readily admit that we were not perfect parents, but we used Deuteronomy 6 as our child-rearing guide.  We spent time with our boys, and made each decision in view of eternity.  Our children knew we loved the Lord more than anything else in this world.  We can only say that God has made up for our imperfections, and we are eternally grateful to Him for that!  To Him be the glory!

*Your children are faithful Christians, and even serving God in mighty ways.  What would you tell other parents to do to achieve the same results?  What do you consider the greatest factors in their upbringing that led to this?

Instilling love for the Lord in your children is the greatest factor in bringing up faithful children.  They should love God above all else, even their parents.  Children should recognize that every talent or ability they have is God-given.  And parents should pray that their children will use their talents to serve their Lord and fellow man.

*What do you see as the biggest mistakes parents are making today?

I am saddened by children who are not made to obey simple commands like, “Come here.”  I am sad when parents call their children ugly names like “little fool.”  I am sad when parents are paralyzed by the wild behavior of their children.  I am sad when I see parents so busy giving children what they didn’t have, that they don’t give them things they did have (which were much more precious)!  I am sad when I see parents taking their children to worship, but neglecting to give any Bible training at home.  I am sad when parents care more about their children’s physical appearance than how their heart appears to God.  I am sad when parents are more interested in homework from school than in ‘heartwork’ from the Word.  And I am so sad when we spend more time at the ball field than on the battlefield for Christ.  It makes me so sad to see parents who are much more concerned with what goes into their children’s mouths than what comes out of them.  I am afraid that the prince of this world has managed to confuse many parents about what is truly important.  The effect of this may only be realized on the day of judgment.  I pray that the Lord will open the eyes and hearts of young parents and give them the courage and the backbone to be parents whose children will glorify God!

Amen!  She added some extra thoughts on parenting in general:

There is only one way of raising children and that is with prayer, the wisdom of the Word, and the determination to do the very best one can to shoot those arrows in the right direction.  That takes intention, practice, and faith in the Word.

Great thoughts!

Prayer for Today:  Thank you for successful mothers like Sheila Butt.  May we learn from her wisdom and experience.

Sheila K. Butt

God’s Will or Mine?

When it’s decision-making time, Christians want to please God.  We want our choices to reflect our submission to Christ and His will.  With some decisions, the choice is crystal clear.  If it’s sinful, we’ll prayerfully choose to avoid it.  If it’s loving, benevolent, evangelistic, we’ll hopefully choose to embrace it.  But what about those times when the choice isn’t so clear?  We can pray about it…and then what?  Wait for clarification?  Do you find yourself then looking around for clues or hints, and saying, “Oh, that must be a sign!”  How do we know if something that happens is really an open door, an answer to prayer, or if it’s simply perceived justification of what we ourselves want?  In other words, how do we know if it’s God’s will or our own personal will?  I believe that sometimes there will be more than one right choice if, when we decide one way or another, we serve God to the best of our ability wherever that choice leads us.  But sometimes a choice can be costly.  Looking back, we might see more clearly how our own decisions led to poor outcomes.  Only God is all-knowing, but thankfully He has given us some guidelines for making the best choices in life.

1.  STORE UP WISDOM

Solomon, who had everything, recognized the value of wisdom.  He said when you’re in a tough situation, wisdom is better than physical strength and weapons of war.  Wisdom is what delivers us from what comes against us (Ecclesiastes 9:13-18).  Michael Hite, Vice President and instructor at the Bear Valley Bible Institute of Denver, said that wisdom is “the ability to see earthly things through heavenly eyes.”  How do we gain that spiritual sight?  By studying God’s Word.  Instead of waiting until we’re unsure about something, we should be studying diligently and consistently all along.  Storing up God’s Word means we’re prepared and better equipped to choose wisely.  Notice what we can learn about this very idea in James 1:19-25.  This passage teaches that our attitude toward the Word determines whether or not we’ll produce the righteousness of God.  Do we accept what God has to say, or are we quick to argue?  Do we receive it?  Do we do it?  Do we continue in it?  If so, we will be blessed in what we do.

*Some other verses for personal study on wisdom and the Word include Job 12:12,13; Proverbs 1-4; 24:3-6; Col. 2:2,3; Heb. 4:12; James 1:2-8; 3:13-18.

2.  DISTRUST YOUR FEELINGS

How many poor decisions have been made because of our emotional state at the time?  I once read a quote that advised against making a big decision on a bad day.  Some emotions, like frustration, anger, and hurt, can skew our thinking.  “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26).  What seems like a good idea in the heat of the moment may seem foolish when all is resolved, and then we’ve only added more trouble.  We must learn patience in discouragement.  We must cultivate the kind of maturity that can recognize the difference between feelings and facts.  And we must practice will-power and self-discipline when tempted to act rashly.  “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without wall” (Proverbs 25:28).  Making decisions without self-control equals vulnerability.  Feelings can be powerful, but that doesn’t make them right.  When experiencing the whirlwind of our emotions, we must stop, pray, study, and then decide how to act, if at all.

*Additional verses for study on the unreliability of feelings include Prov. 14:12-17; Jer. 17:9,10; Col. 3:15-17; 2 Pet. 1:5-9.

3.  CULTIVATE CONTENTMENT

Discontentment can be a deterrent to godly choices.  If we are the type to become easily bored or soon dissatisfied, we will find ourselves wanting to make another change, move on, switch out.  This can be especially dangerous in areas of marriage, jobs, ministry, and acts of service.  Discontentment causes us to focus on the flaws instead of the potential.  One preacher’s philosophy was “I’ll stay with a work only as long as I’m useful.”  Unfortunately, he based his level of usefulness on the amount of effort it took in local work.  If problems came along, or things got tough, he moved on.  Consequently, this preacher chose to move every couple of years, and sometimes in less time than that.     No relationship, work, congregation, leadership, or location is perfect.  Contentment will allow us to make choices and then stick with them as long as we possibly can.  “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:  I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound.  Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:11-13).  Contentment reflects a heart that focuses on God’s blessings and trusts Him with the rest.

*Some more verses about contentment and how to cultivate it are Psa. 37; 118:24; Ecc. 3:1-13; Isa. 26:3; 58:10,11; 2 Cor. 12:8-10; 1 Tim. 6:6-11; Heb. 13:5.

Based on these three suggestions, we can ask ourselves some questions when trying to determine whether a decision is God’s will or really our will.  Have I been studying in order to make a wise decision?  Am I emotional right now?  Do I need to wait until I calm down?  Am I anxious to choose something else because discontentment has caused me to want to move on?  If we prayerfully and honestly answer these questions, we’ll have better clarity in determining the right course.