Tag: Marriage

Marital Alzheimer’s

I watched my grandma ever so slowly succumb to Alzheimer’s.  It started with what seemed like innocent forgetfulness or simply not paying attention.  Then one day I was riding in the backseat of a car with her and she turned to me and fearfully asked, “Who are you?!”  Almost from that moment on her family became strangers to her.

Grandma’s battle with Alzheimer’s was heart-wrenching, especially for her husband.  Grandma, in her dementia, accused the man who had faithfully loved and cared for her of horrible things.  She used ugly words and would say things that just weren’t true, as if she were rewriting their history.  She forgot her love for him.  She forgot their precious memories.  It was tragic, but at least we all knew it wasn’t really Grandma.

Since Alzheimer’s is supposedly hereditary, I began researching how to prevent it.  Now I park in different places in a parking lot, do crossword puzzles, change up the daily routine of getting dressed, eat certain foods, etc.  I continue to look for ways to combat or at least delay it.  I don’t want to put Neal through the painful things my grandpa endured.

Sometimes we suffer from marital Alzheimer’s.  Amnesia is one of the first symptoms of Alzheimer’s.  “Amnesia” is from the Greek, meaning “without memory.”  If we’re not careful, there can be a memory deficit in our marriages.

  • We forget what drew us to our spouse in the first place.
  • We forget the vows we made, the good intentions we had.
  • We forget that marriage is a commitment in which there are God-given guidelines.

So we make harsh accusations or rewrite history.  And then one day, after sleeping in the same bed with the same person for years, we wake up and ask, “Who ARE you?”

Perhaps you see some warning signs in your own marriage.  Do you feel disconnected?  Has intimacy become a distant memory?  Do you have a hard time recalling when you last held hands?  Thankfully, there are some ways we can prevent marital Alzheimer’s.

1.  Take care of yourself.  The better you feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually, the better you act.  Eat right and exercise daily.  Spend time in the Word.  Pray often.  Get rid of emotional downers like resentment, worry, or guilt by addressing them.

2.  Stay connected.  Invest quality time in your marriage by making it a priority and protecting it.  The empty nest syndrome can catch couples off guard.  Reconnect now so you’ll still know each other when it’s just the two of you.  Make sure a portion of each day includes face to face time without the interference of devices.  Ladies, this means we need to log out of Facebook or Pinterest when our husband comes home.  We don’t want him to think we’d rather spend time connecting with hundreds of cyber friends than with him.

3.  Take your vitamins.  Just as there are several vitamins and supplements touted to prevent memory loss, there are things you can do to boost your relationship.  Study the Bible together.  Attend marriage seminars.  Find out (again) what’s important to your spouse and invest in it.

4.  Change up your routine.  Is your marriage in a rut?  Change things up by doing something different and unexpected.  Dress up for supper (even if it’s pizza), light candles, or eat in a different room.  Meet your spouse at work for a cup of coffee.  Change your hairstyle.  Go visiting together and call it a date.  Be creative and think of ways to keep things fresh and interesting.

It’s heart-breaking to see someone in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s.  It’s painful for those who love that person, too.  But it’s even more tragic to see a marriage succumb to forgotten love and lost memories.  Let’s embrace our marriages so we can enjoy healthy closeness and happiness from the altar to the nursing home.

Prayer for Today:  May we actively protect our marriages, Lord, by staying close to You and to each other.

*This post can also be found at http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/2014/03/wise-woman-linkup_12.html.

Photo credit:  Anna Dodgen

Meet Alicia Bookout! (a Christian woman interview & recipe)

She’s young, beautiful, warm, and fun-loving.  Pour a cup of coffee and enjoy this interview with Alicia Bookout, a sweet preacher’s wife and mother.

Kathy:  Hi, Alicia!  Please tell us a little about yourself.

Alicia:  “Garrett and I met for the first time on January 28, 2006 at a get-together for the freshman at the Bear Valley Institute of Denver. He had just moved from TX. He asked some people about me, but was told I was younger than I actually was, so didn’t pursue.  He later learned my real age (whew!) and a year later we fell hard for each other. We just celebrated 6 years of happy marriage!

Right after marriage we were given the excellent opportunity for Garrett to work as the Intern for Bear Valley church of Christ for two years. Our “mentors” (as we like to call them) were some people named Neal and Kathy Pollard. 😉 Since 2010 we have lived in Clovis, NM where Garrett is the pulpit Minister for the 16th and Pile church of Christ.

I’m blessed to get to stay at home with our two wonderful, fun and energetic kids, Emma (4 yrs) and Wesley (2 yrs).” 

Kathy:  You write for KatharosNOW.  What’s that all about?

Alicia:  “It is a blog aimed to encourage teenage girls to remain pure and clean (katharos) in this world. My sister-in-law started it a couple of years ago. Several different Christian women and young ladies from around the country write for it. I think it is a great resource for young ladies today.”

Kathy:  Sounds wonderful!  I know many will enjoy checking out http://katharosnow.com/

You fill many roles. Many young mothers struggle with feeling like they don’t have enough time to accomplish everything. What advice would you give them?

Alicia:  “Pray and drink lots of coffee! I still struggle with this problem myself. One thing that has really helped is making daily lists. Especially on days that I feel overwhelmed. I will list at the top things that I absolutely have to get done that day and then add extras. If I get to the extra part of the list, that is great, if not, I really try to not lie in bed and stress about it. So many young moms (myself included) can run themselves ragged trying to make everything perfect. Some days it will just not be that way and that is ok. As long as you are taking care of your biggest jobs God has given you (hubby and children) then you are doing good. I would suggest though to NEVER allow your alone/quiet time with God to go on the “extras” part of your list. That has to be a priority daily or it will lead to more stressed and unaccomplished feelings (learned from experience).” 

Kathy:  What’s your favorite company meal?

Alicia:  “Crockpot Shredded Italian Beef Sandwiches! It’s easy, can feed an army and something I grew up with so it always reminds me of home. I usually prepare Velveeta cheese dip to go along side so that you can smother your sandwich with it if you want. Needless to say, this is not a dish for those counting calories.”

Italian Beef Sandwiches

  • 1 sirloin tip roast, rump roast, etc. (pork works good, too…cheaper!)
  • 1 pkg. dry Italian Dressing (about 1 per 1 1/2 lbs of meat)
  • one can of Beef Broth

Put in Crockpot on low for 8ish hours (depends on how many pounds of meat you use). Shred and put on rolls!

Kathy:  Would you mind sharing another favorite recipe with us? 

Alicia:  “I have too many favorite recipes so this question was one of the hardest to answer. Chocolate Éclair Cake kept coming to mind though. So easy to make and I could eat the entire pan if I’m not careful.

  • 1 Box Graham Crackers
  • 1 big box Instant Vanilla Pudding
  • 1 8 oz. container Cool Whip
  • 1 tub Chocolate Frosting 

Make Pudding according to directions and mix the cool whip into the pudding. In a 9×13 dish layer graham crackers and top with pudding mixture. Make 3 layers ending with graham crackers as the top. Heat up your chocolate frosting and pour over the top of the graham crackers. Refrigerate for a couple hours and then gobble up!”

 Kathy:  As a busy mom of young children, how do you keep the spark alive in your marriage? 

Alicia:  “As newlyweds we were told a number of times “enjoy the romance before kids come along!”. Garrett and I were determined to not let our romance fizzle out once I got pregnant with our first. It definitely takes more work, but I truly believe that having kids has made us more in love and a stronger couple. 

 I would suggest DO NOT give up on your quiet time and dates! We love our kids to pieces but need our time together. We do this by making sure our kids have a strict bed time (8 pm in this house) so that we have nightly alone time. If you don’t have a babysitter for a date out on the town, one of our favorite things is in-home dates! After kids are in bed cook together, watch a movie, play a game, just get creative! Home dates can be cheaper, cozier, more fun and romantic than a night out.

Also, make sure even though most of your time is spent caring for the children, that you still let your hubby know that you think of him daily. Take time in your hectic day to flirt with him. Text messages, Facebook and phone calls are great ways for that. Get dressed up just for him occasionally. My sweet husband says my “mom outfits” (sweats, t-shirt with kid food and marker and pony tail) are cute, but I also know he doesn’t complain if I fix myself up.  Little things that show him you care are always a good thing.”

Kathy:  What is something about you that people might be surprised to know? 

Alicia:  “I was born in Okinawa, Japan and have lived in 9 different states. I was an “air force brat” growing up and loved the experience of seeing all sorts of new places and people!”

Kathy:  When I think of you, I think of someone who’s joyful, warm, and real. I’m sure you deal with your fair share of stress and problems, so what’s your secret to maintaining these admirable traits?

Alicia:  “I appreciate you saying that. I can definitely say I have not dealt with stress like I should at times and have to work on it a lot. My new favorite thing to do when I am feeling especially stressed, upset or anxious is to do a word search in scriptures. I use my bible program online (concordance works great too) and look up words like “comfort”, “worry” and “joy”. I will read most of the scriptures that pop up. Some of my favorites I end up reading a couple times throughout the day and even writing them out on sticky notes and putting them on my walls as reminders. It is amazing how much better I feel and how my attitude changes after I do this.” 

Kathy:  Thank you, Alicia!  It’s been a real pleasure ‘chatting’ with you, and I appreciate your beautiful insight and wisdom.  May God bless you and your sweet family as you shine for Him!

Alicia & her husband Garrett
 

Your Marriage is Better than You Think

There may be times when you’re not thrilled with your spouse or your marriage.  Do you feel like you’re not communicating well?  Do you feel like you’re the only one who really cares enough to make an effort? Or perhaps you feel like the only spark left in your marriage is the kind that comes from friction.  While your feelings may be valid, your marriage is worth a little self-examination.  Particularly, why are you now viewing your relationship unfavorably?  Why are you frustrated?  It could be that you have more control over the way you see your marriage than you think.

Your marriage is better than you think when you ignore the busybodies.  “A whisperer separates the best of friends” (Prov. 16:28).  Who is telling you your marriage isn’t good enough?  There are some who seem to enjoy sowing seeds of discontentment.  They plant doubts in the minds of those who are married, creating problems where none existed before.  Your own parents or siblings can do this by making negative remarks about your marriage.  Have they ever questioned the actions of your spouse? Coworkers and friends might make comments like, “I don’t know how you put up with that.  I know I wouldn’t!”  Some comments are veiled criticisms.  “Would you like me to replace that light switch?  I know your husband’s not much of a handyman.”  Next thing you know, you start noticing that there are a lot of things around the house your husband has neglected to fix.  You may have been content before, but now you’re more aware of all the annoying things your spouse does.  And you’re embarrassed that someone else had to point it out!  Sometimes your friends don’t have to say anything.  All they have to do is raise their eyebrows a little and suddenly, you resent your spouse.  The truth of the matter is we are easily influenced by the opinions of those around us.  Thoughtless remarks that hint that our spouse is inconsiderate, lazy, stingy, or clueless can be taken to heart if we’re not careful.  Only listen to things that promote your spouse, even by family members.  “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health” (Prov. 12:18).  Your wise friends and family members, the ones who are worth listening to, will say things that build up your marriage, not tear it down.

Your marriage is better than you think when you embrace your differences.  You may have heard the story about the little girl who said to her younger brother, “Why don’t you ever admit that I’m right?”  Her brother answered, “You always think you’re right.”  The girl said, “Well, I always AM right.”  The boy said, “Ha!,” and walked off, muttering under his breath, “Some day I’m gonna get married to get away from all these arguments.”  One of the most popular official reasons for divorce is “irreconcilable differences.”  In her book The Challenge of Being a Wife, Ruth Hazelton has a chapter entitled “How to Stay Friends even though Married.”  She wrote, “Perhaps the biggest problem of all is the fact that he is a man and she is a woman.”  Chances are, you didn’t marry someone exactly like yourself.  You think you need to be stricter with the kids and your spouse thinks you need to be more understanding.  Your ideal vacation involves a spa hotel and outlet malls, while your spouse would prefer tent camping in the wilderness.  You want to wind down listening to the Marriage of Figaro, but your spouse is blaring Led Zeppelin.  Sometimes you wonder how on earth you ended up together.  You’re so different!  You don’t get him, and he certainly doesn’t get you.  Dr. Harley, creator of the website “Marriage Builders,” said, “Couples are usually most compatible on the day of their marriage, and things go downhill from there.  Why?  Prior to the marriage, they make great effort to be compatible.  They try to understand each other’s likes and dislikes and then try to accommodate those feelings.  They are more willing to change their behavior to become more compatible.  Trouble is, once the marriage takes place….mission accomplished!  Now they are married, so they can focus on other things—careers, children, etc.”  You’ve probably seen a young woman out to impress her man.  She grins all the way down the aisle as a beautiful bride.  And then she waits to be impressed.  Before long she tearfully announces that she is disappointed.  Her man does not impress her as a husband.  He does not impress her as a father.  Did he really change, or did her mindset?  Perhaps your marriage seems less than ideal because you’re no longer trying to impress.  You’re no longer trying to accommodate.  Remember what used to motivate you to put all that effort into being compatible–you WANTED your spouse, differences and all.  View those differences once again as attractive traits that complete you.

Your marriage is better than you think when you want to make your spouse happy.  Instead of allowing disagreements to make you disagreeable, you can enhance your marriage in such a way that both of you come out on top.  “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition, or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3,4).  God’s advice is for us to have a new mindset, different from the selfish society in which we live.  Marriage isn’t about how your spouse can make you happier, it’s about how you can make him/ her happier.  Wanting your spouse’s happiness means you don’t have to have the final say in every disagreement.  Instead, let God have the final say.  Wanting your spouse’s happiness means instead of criticizing, you daily look for ways to verbally admire and appreciate.  Wanting your spouse’s happiness means instead of taking him/ her for granted, you’ll cherish each day as a gift from God, thanking Him for the blessing of your marriage.  You won’t want your spouse’s happiness if you don’t have a Christ-like mindset.  If you are caught up in your own desires and expectations, your selfish heart will be blinded to your spouse’s needs.  As always, God knows what is best for us.  Trusting Him means putting your spouse’s happiness before your own.  You’ll be thrilled when you notice that you end up being the one to find so much more joy in your marriage.

Prayer for Today: By emulating Your Son, Lord, may we show the world what it really means to have “a marriage made in heaven.”

*This article can also be found at http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/2013/12/wise-woman-linkup_17.html

 

Photo by Traci Sproule Photography

How to Have a Great Marriage, One Day at a Time

It’s just easier to tackle big things in small chunks.  I want my marriage to be happy and solid, all the time.  Since I know where my weaknesses lie, that can be an overwhelming prospect.  I know I need to stop being selfish, swallow my pride, smile more, be patient, sacrifice, compromise, grow up…. Oh boy, we’re doomed, UNLESS I view each day as a manageable challenge.  Bite-sized bits of  well-being add up to a lifetime of wedded bliss.  So here are some daily do’s and don’ts that might just spell the difference between a dreary marriage and a dreamy one.

1.  Commit your marriage to God.  First thing in the morning, whether you’re on the treadmill, carpooling, or sipping coffee on the patio, pray about your relationship.  Every day, ask God to help you be a loving spouse.  Thank God for blessing you with a life-long best friend.  Determine to make sure everything you do in your marriage glorifies God.

2.  Refuse to fall into the critic trap.  Everything gets a rating these days.  Want to know whether or not a movie is worth watching or a car is worth buying?  Check out the rating.  Whether it’s books, products, or recipes, you can look it up to see how many stars it rates.  We even get to determine whether or not we ‘like’ someone’s facebook status.  It feels like we’ve been conditioned to voice our opinion on everything.  “I like this.  I don’t like this.  I agree with this.  I disagree with this.”  How dangerous that can be in marriage!  If we’ve been conditioned to spot imperfections, the relationship will never measure up.  Don’t critique your spouse; just do your part each day to make it a 5-star marriage.

3.  Dare to be transparent.  Life is too short for guessing games.  Share your feelings.  Don’t be hard to figure out.  Be transparent in your affection.  Let your spouse know beyond the shadow of a doubt that your love is growing day by day.  Don’t fear rejection (or ridicule from others); just make the most of every opportunity to generously give your heart.  Every day, greet your mate with enthusiasm, and voice your admiration.  What spouse would hate that?

4.  Neglect the cyber world.  Is your marriage getting smothered by social media or other online activities?  Are you always looking at a screen?  Is the outside world connected to your hip?  Unplug!  Step awaaaaay from the tentacles of technology.  Do you really have to check every text, inbox message or email as soon as it shows up?  Sure there are advantages (I say as I’m blogging), but there should be some boundaries.  When the work day is over, enjoy real face-to-face time.  We have a goldendoodle puppy, and we learned real quick that as long as we take time to play with him, he behaves better.  If we neglect to stop what we’re doing to play fetch for few minutes each day, he acts up.  Forgive me for comparing a spouse to a dog, but the same basic principle applies.  Which am I spending more time with? My laptop or my mate?  Put it to the test and see if this simple philosophy enhances your marriage:  when your spouse walks in the door, everything else can wait till tomorrow.  My guess is that instead of feeling like you’re missing out, you’ll feel like you’re catching up.

5.  Don’t focus on what’s fair.  If you’re going to all this trouble to do your part, it’s easy to expect immediate reciprocation.  Well, it might take some time, or it might never happen.  The important thing is to not fixate on who’s doing what, who’s giving more, who’s compromising.  Focus, instead, on going the second mile, out-giving, and acknowledging even the smallest effort on your spouse’s part.  Miserable marriages are filled with a sense of entitlement.  There’s way more joy in looking for ways each day to offer yourself freely.

Prayer for Today:  Thank you, Lord, for the beautiful blessing of marriage!  May I show my gratitude to You by making the most of our precious union.

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Renewing our Vows

A Book on My Nightstand

When I was a newlywed twenty years ago, a friend gave me her copy of The Challenge of Being a Wife by Ruth E. Hazelwood.   It had already been around for awhile by that time, having been published in 1977.  Some might consider a thirty five year old book on marriage to be outdated.  If marriages that emphasize commitment, selflessness, and putting God first are old-fashioned, then I want an old-fashioned marriage.

Every now and then I pull this book off the shelf and browse through it.  It never fails to renew my desire to be desirable wife.  It encourages me and makes me smile.  I imagine throughout the next twenty years, I’ll keep going back for more reminders and practical tid-bits on how to have a happy marriage.

Here are some of the gems found in The Challenge of Being a Wife:

“Be glad that you are a woman with womanly things to do.  Take your place with confidence and pride.  Be a first class woman and not a second rate man!”

“Why not accept the fact that no husband is faultless?  Some men may excel others, but all fall short at times.  Be thankful they do, else how could they live with us and all our imperfections?  How would you like YOU for a wife?”

“Love should make others feel good about themselves.”

“Try to go one whole day without criticizing or complaining about anything or anybody.”

“Love your husband for what he is, love him for what he is not, then love him again for what he may become.”

“Your husband sees himself through your eyes.  What does he see?”

“While the problems that arise in your marriage may not be of your doing, your reactions to them can make or break the marriage.  It takes two to make a bad marriage.”

“There can be no genuine happiness without God.”

“The three traits a man looks for in a wife are femininity, understanding, and a happy disposition.”

“A common mistake is expecting your husband to know how you feel or to see that you need help.  He is not a mind reader just because he loves you.  Learn to ask when you need his help.  Don’t be a martyr.”

“It is more blessed to give than receive, but by giving you will also be receiving.”

Prayer for Today:  Thank you for the reminder, Lord, that good marriages don’t just happen.  Help me to fill each day with gratitude and giving.

Renewing our Vows

Marriage Builders from Proverbs- a Bible-marking topic

First, some Bible-marking reminders…

-I love Bible-marking for several reasons!  You’ll have topics handy for when you need a spiritual boost.  Has your prayer life been lagging?  If you’ve marked the topic of prayer in your Bible, you can easily study through some verses that will strengthen your prayer time.  Bible-marking also makes it easier for you to find verses that will encourage others.  If you’ve marked the topic of endurance, then you’ll have verses handy to share with someone who is discouraged or struggling.  Bible-marking several topics means that you’ll always be ready to give a devotional or teach a class at a moment’s notice.  And finally, Bible-marking allows you to be prepared to study with someone as soon as the opportunity arises.

-The tools:  you just need your Bible and a pen.  I use the same pen that was recommended by Wendell Winkler when I learned Bible-marking from him over 20 years ago.  It’s the Pigma Micron pen.  It comes in a variety of colors and won’t fade or bleed through your thin Bible pages.  The pen tips come in various sizes.  My favorite is “01” because it’s not too fat and it’s not too skinny.  It’s just right.  You can find these pens at craft or art stores and also Christian book stores.

So let’s get marking.  Go to one of the blank pages in the front of your Bible and list this topic as “Marriage Builders from Proverbs.”  Write your first verse next to it, which is Prov. 4:23-27.  Then turn to that passage.  I’m using the New King James version.

“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.  Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you.  Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you.  Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established.  Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your feet from evil.”

-In my Bible, I put a square around the word “heart” in vs. 23 and a square around the word “all” in vs. 26.  Then I underlined all the body parts mentioned (mouth, lips, eyes, feet).  If you guard your heart, everything else will follow.  Your mouth won’t say ugly things.  Your eyes won’t look at things they’re not supposed to.  Your feet won’t take you to places you shouldn’t be.  In other words, you will not stray in any way.  At the end of vs. 27, write the next verse, which is 10:19.  Since we’re staying in Proverbs, you only need to note the chapter and verse each time.

“In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”

–A lot of marital strife can be avoided simply by realizing we don’t have to SAY everything we think (see also Prov. 29:11).  You won’t have to regret thoughtless or hurtful remarks if you never say them in the first place.  At the end of this verse, write the next one, which is 11:13.

“A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.”

-Protect your marriage by keeping private matters private.  Don’t share your gripes with your best friend or your mom.  When you get into an argument, don’t seek sympathy from others.  When you and your spouse make up, you’ll regret involving outsiders.  At the end of this verse, write the next one, which is 14:29.

“He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly.”

-Don’t get angry over small things.  Be patient and understanding.  I hate to see a man act easy-going around everyone except his wife, and vice versa.  Respect your spouse by treating them the same way you want to be treated.  At the end of this verse, write 15:13.

“A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”

-Are you happy in your marriage?  Make sure your face reflects it.  Smile every time you see your spouse.  Never let them doubt whether or not you are happy to see them.  Joy keeps a marriage fresh and the interest alive.  The next verse is in the same chapter, so at the end of this passage just write “vs. 17.”

“Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred.”

-Keep your priorities straight.  Make sure what truly matters in your marriage is what’s emphasized.  Don’t spend more time improving the quality of THINGS than the quality of your relationship.  You probably know a couple who has very little, materialistically speaking, but they are in love, always laughing, enjoying each other’s company.  And you probably know a couple who is well off, but they seem discontent, never having much to say to each other.  Which couple is happier?  At the end of this verse, write the next one, which is 17:9.

“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.”

-Don’t air your dirty laundry.  Don’t let indignation or hurt cause you to blab your spouse’s sins or mistakes.  Love protects and forgives.  Do you want all of your bad choices made known to others?  At the end of this verse, write  vs. 17.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

-Stress, financial trouble, job loss, long-term illness, death.  As a couple, prepare to endure any hardships that come your way by staying close, leaning on God, and determining ahead of time that your marriage is for keeps.  At the end of this verse, write 19:11.

“The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.”

-Don’t be overly sensitive.  Don’t take everything personally.  Don’t be easily hurt.  Your spouse will have less-than-stellar days because of tiredness, worry, or fear.  Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and assume that all will be back to normal soon.  At the end of this verse, write the next one, which is 21:9.

“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”

-My goal is to make sure my husband only chuckles when he comes across this verse.  I do not want him to read it and commiserate!  The word for “contentious” in the original language means one who causes strife or discord.  Is your home filled with strife?  Make sure you’re not the cause.  Go out of your way to create an atmosphere of peace and harmony.  At the end of this verse, write vs. 23.

“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”

-A trouble-free marriage relies greatly on making sure the things we say are kind and loving.  We might say the right things, but are we saying them in the right way?  Do you find yourself being overly sarcastic?  Are you quick to ridicule?  Make sure everything that comes out of your mouth will promote closeness and build up your spouse.  At the end of this verse, write 25:28.

“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.”

-A city without walls has no protection, no defense against enemy attacks.  Protect your marriage by practicing self-control.  If you lack self-discipline when it comes to your speech and your emotions, you are making your marriage vulnerable.  At the end of this verse, write the last one, which is 27:1.

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”

-Treat every day with your spouse as if it were your last.  Spend time together.  Express your love and appreciation.  Discard any resentment.  Get over the past and embrace the present.  Thank God for your marriage.

Prayer for Today:  Thank you, Lord, for the wisdom and advice found in Your Word.  Help me apply it so I can do my part to build a strong and happy marriage.